It's easy to assume sexual honesty is just about being faithful to your partner and telling the truth about staying in the pub for one too many, rather than saying you were working late. However, real sexual honesty goes deeper – and one of the best ways of ensuring you have a healthy relationship - so avoid these relationship lies.
- “I'm fine.” Many people avoid conflict by hiding their feelings, believing a good partner sacrifices their own needs. While the occasional white lie (“No, your bum doesn't look big in that.”) can be thoughtful, continually putting your partner first will lead to resentment. That doesn't mean you have to snipe: simply be honest about how you feel – and own those feelings for yourself rather than projecting them onto a partner. Rather than saying, “You're thoughtless for being late home,” say, “I feel taken for granted when you change plans last minute without telling me.” That way, you're less likely to get a defensive reaction but you're also being true to yourself.
- “Ooh, ooh, aah.” Men and women can both fake it to avoid hurting a lover's feelings, (or end a sex session that's taking too long). However, if you fake it, a lover will assume they're doing the right thing – and probably do the same again next time because 'it worked'. Instead, guide your partner towards doing what will get you off, or admit you're too tired/stressed/drunk to climax. Sex doesn't have to lead to mutual climax and faking it will almost always lead to worse rather than better sex long term.
- “I'm happy to do that.” Different people have different desires but just because a partner asks you to do something sexual, you don't have to say yes. If you don't like the idea of a sex act, be honest (without being judgemental). And accept it if your lover isn't into something you'd like to try too. Compromise is a part of any relationship but if you're not comfortable about something, it's better to stand your ground. Real sexual confidence is as much about saying “No,” as saying, “Yes.”
A healthy, loving relationship is based on trust, affection and respect, so pay your lover the respect of telling the truth and the trust they give you in return will be based on much more solid ground.
Real sexual confidence is as much about saying “No,” as saying, “Yes.”